Please Don't Make Me Watch

"I don't want to watch the military movies where everyone is killed."  I beg my son. 

Every time he wants to watch these true story movies I tell him that I do not want to watch them.  They make me cry, and I like movies that make me laugh, stretch my imagination, or have me on the edge of my seat in anticipation.

He does not understand. He was thinking of going into the military and my heart seized. I know that must be the reaction of mothers when they hear of those intentions. 

My dad was in the Army and his little grandson worships him. That grandson now considers his future. What classes should he take in High School to help him on his path in life? He chose ROTC and classes for handling medical emergencies.  I cringed. 

I am so proud of him for wanting to serve his country and community.  It thrilled me that he intended to follow in his grandfather''s foot steps.  It also sent me screaming inside. 

I know motherhood includes letting go, but I don't want him to leave home with the cross hairs of a gun following him. What kind of mother am I to let this happen?  Letting a child leave home running into danger is against my nature. 

Now, I am watching a Navy Seals's movie in which there is only one survivor. There are too many movies just like it. I cannot name them because I shut the movies out of my mind. Right now I am ignoring the sights and sounds of a battle. 

My son wants to watch them. Does he want to die like that?  Why do I have to watch him want to see and admire the horrors of war?  I don't want to see it. How can I imagine him as a soldier and watch the soldiers die?

"Please son, I have a wild imagination and I do not want to imagine that you are there. Don't make me watch this."